Death doulas help families navigate end-of-life planning with dignity
(Aging Untold) — Conversations about death can be uncomfortable, but a growing profession is helping families face them with support and a plan. They’re called end-of-life doulas.
“We spend more time planning our annual vacation than we spend thinking about the last phase of our life — and we need to do that. We need to be prepared,” Annie O’Neil, a death doula, said.
O’Neil has a background and a business in geriatric care management. As part of that, she offers her services as a death doula, someone who helps patients navigate the end of life with intention and dignity.
“What we try to strive for is as few regrets as possible at a very challenging time,” O’Neil said.
Planning ahead of a crisis
Death doulas have been around for about 15 years, often working alongside hospice after a terminal diagnosis. They focus on the patient, helping them to make key decisions ahead of time.
Sam Cradduck, a gerontologist and Aging Untold expert, said a lot of families don’t talk about death until a crisis forces it.
“We have people that know that they’re going to pass, but they’re not prepared and they’re actually scared,” Cradduck said. “So if you can come into this from the mindset of, I know eventually I will no longer be a part of this world, and you plan for that and you prepare for that, then you’re giving the gift of love to your family.”
O’Neil helps patients talk through pain management options, navigate decisions about care and where and how they’ll live out their last days.
“I believe that no good decision is ever made in a crisis,” O’Neil said.
Legacy work
Death doulas also do “legacy work” during the final phase of life, helping patients tell their own story and define who they are on their own terms.
“Few people can write your obituary the way you can. Few people are really going to know what’s really going to bring you comfort. But if you plan for it, you write it down, you share it, then you’re sharing a piece of yourself forever,” Cradduck said.
Experts say that, as death becomes less medicalized and more personal in this country, more people should take advantage of these services.
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